…But you need to know.

You're my best friend. I love you with all of my heart, and I always will. You mean the world to me, and I know that these words aren't really enough to explain to you the feeling of love that I have for you. But I don't just give the title of best friend lightly. Some girls have fifty best friends, but that title is reserved for the people closest to me. The people who I have adopted into my family. Made them as important to me as my own siblings. You're like a brother to me. I hope that you know that.

You mean the world to others, aside from me. Your boyfriend loves you. I see it in the way that he interacts with you, how he gets this slight smile every time your name is mentioned. How upset and hurt he gets when you do something stupid to yourself. I know that that's love - it's just like how I've seen my mommy and daddy interact (well, close enough. You understand what I mean). He cares for you with every, single fibre of his being, and I know that his love for you is very strong.


Your mother. I needn't say any more than that I know she loves you, and I know you know that, too. You are her son, and she loves you with so much ferocity, as only a mother could.  You, your brother, and your sister are her world. I know just by the way she talks about you.


I'm sorry if I've done wrong. You know I'm painfully oblivious at times. I guess this was just one of those times. I thought I would be wrong to tell you not to leave because I didn't think I had any right to be selfish. I thought I'd be wrong because I'd be hypocritical. If I'm leaving when I graduate, who am I to tell you you have to stay put? I understand the need to run home. You know that just as well as I do - you paid for me to run home one time when I needed it. Because you love me. I know. And that's what friends do - they help their friends. And I realise I've not done that. Please, understand, this wasn't intentional.

Please understand that, when I said that I had to study, I thought you meant you were leaving for a weekend. A week at most. I figured I'd pick you up. Please understand I don't know where it's right for me to tread, and where it's not. Please understand. Please. Please also understand I needed you to tell me yes when I said I'd drop my homework when you said you weren't coming back. I needed you to tell me, very plainly, what you wanted. Because I'm really just an idiot, you see. But I'm an idiot who loves you very much. I'm an idiot who's only ever wanted you to know that I love you, and I've failed. Miserably.

I need you to know that I'm sorry. So sorry. I've been told that I couldn't have known, and at the same time, that I should have dropped everything for you. I should have. I should have. They're right, and I was wrong, and, God, I am SO sorry. I love you so very much. So. Very. Much. I'm so, so, sorry.

Please come home. And please, don't leave me forever. Don't leave us forever. Please.

Please.